The World of Make Believe

FANTASY

            I happen to love fantasy. It takes me to worlds much different from my own. Imagination is a fascinating thing that fuels stories and inventions. But a fantasy story can be more than a story. It can mold and shape the thoughts and opinions of mankind. Used correctly it can be a most powerful force. The next time you read a story that comes from the world of make believe, look deeper. What is it really telling you?

A Diamond in the Rough,

Nancy

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A Little Nagging Sense

SPECIAL NEEDS

            Although my daughter was born two and a half months premature and very small, when we were finally able to bring our child home, the doctor made the comment to us, “She will grow up to become a normal child”. That little statement made a huge impact on my expectations for the future, and I dismissed any concern I had for her development.

When she was about four years old I began to notice that her playmates tended to mother her. “She’ll catch up.” I told myself. After all she was premature, and at the time an only child. There were other things in her behavior that seemed a bit off, like getting extremely upset over little things. In fact there was a toy she had as a baby I stopped giving to her because she would get angry every time I did. We discovered that cow’s milk would set her off, so we determined she had an allergy to cow’s milk like one of her cousins.

I still had a little nagging sense something wasn’t right. I talked to the pediatrician. “Don’t worry, she was premature. She’ll catch up.” He’d say.  I talked to other mothers about her behavior. “Oh, they all do that.” So, once again I ignored the little nagging sense that something wasn’t right. I’m just a nervous mother. That had to it. Years later I realized the degree of immature behavior I spoke of was over the top compared to the average child. Yes, they all did those things but not as often or with the same intensity as my child.

When our son joined the family, the little nagging sense returned. As a baby I watched him figure things out on his own. Behavior I had not seen often in my daughter. It took us a number of more years to discover that yes, there was something wrong. Her neurologist held a strong belief and I’m inclined to agree with. “The mother is ALWAYS RIGHT!”  Do you have a little nagging sense about your child? My advice to you is to pursue it vigorously.

A Diamond in the Rough,

Nancy

How To Tell Your Real Friends From Your Fake Friends

One question I get a lot:

When you told your friends how did they react?

This is a great question. When I told who I thought were my “real” friends, rumors began to spread.  Lots of slurs about me began to pass around school and people started to snub me and laugh at me. It was very hurtful, and I shut down. I didn’t tell my other friends and after they heard the rumors they came to me and asked what they could do to help me, but I shut them out. I was so afraid that they weren’t being genuine that I cut them all off. It was a lonely road for me and I regret not trusting some of them now. A real friend is worth more than gold. Your real friends will stick around.

A Dusty Diamond,

Kelly

Infertility / Endometriosis

 

What is Endometriosis and why did I classify it under infertility?

Wikipedia describes it as such:

Endometriosis is a gynecological medical condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus (endometrium) appear and flourish outside the uterine cavity, most commonly on the membrane which lines the abdominal cavity. The uterine cavity is lined with endometrial cells, which are under the influence of female hormones. Endometrial-like cells in areas outside the uterus (endometriosis) are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Symptoms often worsen with the menstrual cycle.

Endometriosis is typically seen during the reproductive years; it has been estimated that endometriosis occurs in roughly 6–10% of women.[1] Symptoms may depend on the site of active endometriosis. Its main but not universal symptom is pelvic pain in various manifestations. Endometriosis is a common finding in women with infertility.[1]

There is no cure for endometriosis, but it can be treated in a variety of ways, including pain medication, hormonal treatments, and surgery.

 

I was eighteen when I was diagnosed with this and told that if I wanted children my husband and I would need to start trying sooner than we had expected. I was twenty-one when I got married and we spent the next three years trying to get pregnant. The thing about Endometriosis is that it really messes with your menstrual cycle, you can have it for months on end. I heard a radio commercial once describing it and this is what it said.

“Picture yourself wrapped in barbwire with a 5lb cinder block laying on your pelvis and this is a little like what Endometriosis feels like.”

I know that women with this have various degrees of pain. I had so much pain for years on end that at 32, I made the decision to have a full hysterectomy. Best choice I ever made but it also means that I am hormone dependent and can’t have more children.  If you are suffering with this ailment, I totally understand what you are going through and hope that they find a cure for it soon.

 

A Dusty Diamond,

Kelly

Time to Grieve

ADOPTION

            When my husband and I sat down to fill out the application to adopt we ended up fighting. Why? There really wasn’t a reason. The true issue at hand was we hadn’t taken the time to grieve our invisible loss. The act of filling out that form broke open the wounds we carried, but could not see. It brought us to the raw reality that the child we had envisioned to look like us, act like us and carry our genes would not be. We experienced the death of a dream.

People on the outside don’t recognize the loss. It’s unseen, but real. The pain tells you so. Don’t be caught in the trap of denying its existence. Take time to set your dream free. I suggest buying an object like a toy boat or a helium balloon. Write a farewell to your dream, attach it to the object and let the wind, river or ocean have it. Watch it leave you. Then write yourself a new dream that includes an adopted child or two. Set your course toward it, and anticipate the joys that await you.

A Diamond in the Rough,

Nancy

Mood Swings Are They Normal? The Whole Truth

 

One hard part with being a teen and pregnant at the same is the mood swings. One minute I would be fine and the next I was in tears. Your body is going through a lot of changes and the emotional impact is huge. Between running to the bathroom or crying at the drop of a hat. I think I drove my parents a little crazy. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have morning sickness, but you may be dealing with that too, and it’s normal. I felt really vulnerable and alone, my boyfriend wasn’t sure what to do, again normal, most likely they are a teen too. Hang in there, this too will pass.

A Dusty Diamond,

Kelly

Tame the Beast

Infertility can strain out your marriage, and if you are involved in infertility treatment that alone puts unnatural demands upon your relationship. The bond you have with your spouse is the most important human relationship you have. Even if you eventually have children, most likely they will grow up, and then move on to their adult lives. You and your spouse will be left alone once again. Don’t allow your struggle with infertility to destroy what you already have.

Trying and trying again can become a vicious cycle that could consume your entire life if you let it. Tame the beast. Sit down with your spouse, pray about it and set limits to your quest. If you bring the Lord into your situation, you can be assured that He will work and guide you through this trial. Decide how much money you are willing to spend and how many cycles you will continue to try. If you don’t get pregnant within those limits, accept that God is guiding you into something different.

The next decision that will need to be made is to answer “the what now” question. Do you want to adopt or remain childless? Once that question is answered, set your life on that course. You don’t want to be caught in an endless cycle that if allowed to go on too long, could devour up your option to adopt. Take control. Tame the beast.

The Diamond in the Rough,

Nancy

Open or Closed?

I guess you can say that I see adoption in a unique way, I myself am adopted and I gave a child up for adoption. The difference between my own adoption and the arrangement I made for my child is that mine was a closed adoption in which I do not know who my parents are and I chose open adoption for my child, so he would know who I was. If you are thinking about adoption or are yourself adopted, you may have varying opinions in regards to open or closed adoption.

I feel that one of the major contributors to me choosing a more open adoption was that I have all these unanswered questions as to where I came from. At least my son will never have to wonder about me. There are a lot of factors that go into this decision, make sure you weigh your options and see what might be a better fit for you.  Let me know what you like about either one.

 

A Dusty Diamond,

Kelly

 

Renewing Strength

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31